When the boys were babies, old men and women would "ooh" and "ahh" over the handlebar of the stroller at my angelic sleeping child and say “they grow up so fast” a million times. I’d kindly nod my head and smile, exhausted from lack of sleep and counting down the days to the monthly Moms Night Out when I could drink way too much and pretend I was 25 again—of course paying for that decision for hours the next day. At the doctor’s office, I was having small talk with a nurse and inevitably the conversation comes to children—"Do you have any? How many? What are their ages?" I shared my sons’ …

Milestones that are met by our children are documented and recorded—our child’s pediatrician informs us of when those milestones typically happen based on recorded data that coincides with a particular age.  Baby should be rolling over at six months old, walking at around one, at three years old should be able to speak in multi-word sentences and by four years old should ride a tricycle. Every parent has expectations of their children crossing milestones around the same age that they themselves crossed that milestone. Walking. Talking. Loosing teeth. Grandparents are called to confirm, “Do …

Growing up my mom would often tell my sister and I to "watch out for each other".  When the two of us were on our own, without her parent supervision, she would enforce this rule for us to stick together. As children going to a sleepover at my cousin’s house these were the words she would say as we opened the car doors, it continued into our preteen and teen years when she would drop us off at the mall to hang out with friends or go to a party.  I’m sure if you psychoanalyzed the situation it had a lot to do with her own upbringing, my mom and her sister often had to count on each other …

It's a struggle for every parent to instill in their children thankfulness and gratitude. Every year before family arrives for a birthday party or Christmas dinner I have to have the pep talk with my children that goes something like this, "Even if the gift you open isn't something you really wanted you must smile, look the person in the eye and say thank you." I have this talk because my oldest son, L, is on the Autism Spectrum and one of his unique qualities is that he doesn't have filters. He doesn't have the ability to lie, he can't comprehend the little white lies that we all say in …

For parents with kids on the Autism Spectrum, there are many experiences that we have to miss out on due to large, loud crowds. Children on the Autism Spectrum can be over stimulated easily and being put in an environment with a lot of people can lead the child to having a meltdown. My oldest son is on the spectrum and though the meltdowns have become fewer as he’s gotten older, instead over stimulating environments effect his attitude. He becomes “snippy”, short tempered, quick to argue with his brother in other words not pleasant to be around for the rest of the day. We don’t take advantage…

  “Mommy what is this… vote for Question 6?” my youngest says to me on our way out of the door to school. “Um, it’s a yard sign. Come on we are running late. Get your book bag.” “But what does it mean? What is Question 6?” he asks with urgency. I pause. It seems like every important conversation happens when we are rushing out the door or driving and I can’t focus. This time I stop in my tracks because I realize in this moment that school can wait; this is an important conversation for our family. It deserves my full attention. “You know how when you take a test, there are a bunch of …

We are coming up on the one-year anniversary of the death of a dear friend of mine. I met Monte in college. He was flamboyant and loud and, as a freshman away from home, I was both terrified and fascinated by him. He had a voice like a gospel angel and wasn’t afraid of conducting a public performance, wherever that might be: Walgreens, a bar or restaurant or randomly in the middle of the sidewalk in New York City where we both went to live after college. When his spirit was moved to song… he sang! Monte struggled with cancer and died too young at 39 years old. I've been thinking about Monte a…

  Almost weekly my oldest son, L, who is on the Autism Spectrum has a new career that he wants to be when he grows up. His career dreams used to last much longer. We had an entire year of him wanting to be an engineer, then he dreamed of being a scientist. His longest running dream career yet has been an astronaut, but it was recently was overthrown by being a soldier. It's hard to explain his desire to be a soldier. We aren’t a military family, and we don’t know anyone currently in the military. He doesn’t even have a cool uncle in uniform that he looks up to, who comes to family functions…

Many of my friends are having babies, and it’s a reminder for me that our children really do grow up fast. In ten years I doubt my son will say, “I wish mom sat on the sidelines more while I played baseball.” I want my children to remember the time we spent together. I want them to look back on their childhood summers with a smile on their lips. I spent the beginning of summer rushing from one summer camp to another trying to coordinate pick-ups and drop-offs at the same time in opposite parts of town. I was exhausted, and I caught myself snapping at the children every morning as I stressed …

A moment that I had thought about, prepared for, dreaded, and denied for the better part of 20 years arrived this weekend when Barbie crossed our threshold in her 1/4” stilettos clutched by my 3-year-old daughter’s hands. We have a "marble jar" system in our house to remind me and my husband to use positive reinforcement whenever possible. The kids get a marble every time they do something we’d like to see continue (e.g., share, get dressed, not kill each other), and when the jar is full, they are entitled to something of their choosing.  After months of working toward their goal, they …

“It’s not fair,” whines the six-year-old as I inform him it’s time to brush his teeth and get ready for school. I exhale, louder than I anticipate, and reply: “I know it’s not fair that I care so much about your teeth and your education. It must be difficult to have such a caring mom … Now go brush your teeth.” I reach over and give him a tickle while trying to corral him up the steps. He drops to his knees and says again with a hint more of frustration, “No, it’s not fair that we don’t see Daddy!” I stop in my tracks. Clearly this is not a power struggle about the morning routine and instead…

When our toddler learned the word "no" (which they tend to do fast), I tried to find ways to get her to do the things that we still needed her to do, like brushing teeth, taking baths, and eating the occasional vegetable. I asked other friends what their methods were, and most of them centered around some kind of responsibility chart or reward system. When I first embarked on this idea a few months ago, I felt a "true" responsibilities chart (like the kind you buy in a store with chores and magnets that correspond to the chore) might have been a little over her head. One friend who had such a…

Many people make lists of things they will change or let go of in the New Year, resolutions as they are aptly called. I like to take a moment of reflection in the beginning of the New Year with my family — a time to reflect on the year as a whole, think of the exciting places we've been, the experiences we've had, the great movies we've seen.  This year I stumbled across this wonderful blog, Run Lucas Run, in which the author created exactly what I was looking for: a list of questions that captures who my children are right now. My plan is to do this each year, seal them in an envelope and …

Recently, Petula Dvorak of The Washington Post wrote two columns addressing the busy lives of parents. The author compared a mom’s work to Santa’s, with the exception that while Santa takes it easy on Dec. 26, a mom’s work continues 365 days a year.  What resonated with me most from her articles was how mothers today keep very odd hours, often with little sleep. She described sending e-mails related to PTA matters in the wee hours of the morning, only to get immediate responses from other mothers who were also online. (Been there, done that.) As she talked about gardening at 1 a.m., I thought…

The day is approaching that almost every child has been looking forward to for months — Christmas morning. My children are no different; they have been making their wish lists since their birthdays passed. I, on the other hand, am having a hard time getting in the celebratory mood. My children’s father and I are divorced, and we share custody on a weekly basis. It actually works out great — We update each other through emails about the boys. We coordinate a Google calendar to remind each other of special days or extra curricular activities. And each year we take turns for the holidays. I had …

With the holidays upon us, I have found that my children are receiving gifts everywhere we turn. Go to my sister’s wedding: gift. Lunch with cousins we don’t get to see very often: gift. Seeing the grandparents: gift (and we hadn’t even gotten to December yet). We are blessed by generous relatives and friends who want to take part in the joy my children display when receiving a new toy or stuffed animal or puzzle. We also have the means to attend holiday events laden with candy canes, goody bags, and gift-wrapped surprises. I really don’t want to sound ungrateful — and I mean this in the …

As the holidays approach, many parents are planning to travel with their kids.  While the idea of visiting family and friends sounds great, it's usually when they anticipate the traveling that parents start to question their sanity— for good reason, too.  I recently flew to Boston from Baltimore with both kids and husband in tow. In many ways, these were ideal flying conditions as it was a short flight, minimal luggage was required, and my husband and I were together so we were able to take the “man-on-man” defensive approach with the kids. The kids had their own backpacks stuffed with …

My children are now old enough that I can leave them in the bathtub while I go downstairs to check my email, without fear of them drowning. I no longer need to cut their food in bite-size pieces for fear of them choking. We’ve moved into a new stage of their development that I am calling “playground independence.” We bought our house in this neighborhood because of the playgrounds and because there are so many families with children. From my front door, we can see one of those playgrounds, and within seconds of hearing laughter from that direction my sons will put on their shoes in lightening…

We recently embarked on a long trip with our daughter to the tune of an eight-hour drive. I know there are many families who have done much longer than that. But at the end of our summer, a regular five-hour drive was not the happy jaunt it used to be. Our daughter was very restless and bored despite the books, toys and other fun things I had packed for the trip. It’s not easy for anyone sitting in a car for long periods of time. Toddlers are no different but they don’t always understand that there is an end to the journey. I always try to seek out fun places to stop along the way, like …

What do you get when you clothe your son in a gray sweatsuit, affix thin strips of yellow and white electrical tape in lines down the middle and sides of his body, and Velcro Matchbox cars along the spaces in between? Why, Greenbelt Road, of course! How about when you put your toddler in his yellow raincoat, a borrowed pair of yellow rain pants, and his rain boots, tie some plastic fish on a rope to the end of a stick and let him carry the stick out in front of him? The most adorable fisherman ever to grace the seven seas. And finally, using a black thermal shirt and pants, some colorful …